I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize