Got a toothbrush?
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
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