I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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