The best revenge is premature balding
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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