office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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