apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
