You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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