ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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