Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'm too high and old for this...
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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