he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
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She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
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At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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