what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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