Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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