great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
