You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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