nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
