Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
