Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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