Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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