my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
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