I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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