Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
