so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
