i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
