I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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