I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
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I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?