I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
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complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
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I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.