she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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