One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.