Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
These 21 People Came Up With Hilarious Excuses For Their Hickies
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.