I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
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They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
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Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?