Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
