she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
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you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
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As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.