I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
