Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
