you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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