my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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