I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
