Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Randomize
