one two three fourrrrnication!
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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