I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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