sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
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I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
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You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
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