On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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