Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
