are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
