you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
