We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
