He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
