There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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