she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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