at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
