: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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