Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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