she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
the raccoons are back...
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