Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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