I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Did you just see the Batmobile???
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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