shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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