Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
