If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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