Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
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