Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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