I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
you told grandpa to call you daddy
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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