i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
So squirting runs in the family.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
