saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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