pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
