I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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