The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
