i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Randomize
