she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
That was an excessively violent trivia night
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize