I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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