Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
