Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
