i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
