Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
