I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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