forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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