Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
We just shotgunned beers for America
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
