I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
